Festivus for the Rest of Us (and Our Pets): A Holiday Guide

For those unfamiliar with this peculiar December 23rd celebration, Festivus emerged from the hit show Seinfeld as the ultimate anti-holiday holiday. While Frank Costanza created it as an alternative to Christmas commercialization, we think our pets would absolutely get behind this quirky celebration. So grab your aluminum pole and gather your furry friends – it’s time to celebrate Festivus, pet parent style!

The Festivus Pole: A Cat’s Dream Come True

The traditional unadorned aluminum pole (chosen for its high strength-to-weight ratio) might just be the most pet-friendly holiday decoration ever invented. No ornaments to knock down, no tinsel to eat, just a shiny vertical scratching post! Though we must warn you: cat owners might find their felines treating the Festivus pole as their personal stripper pole. No judgment here – we support their artistic expression.

The Airing of Grievances

Ah, the traditional time to tell everyone how they’ve disappointed you this year. If our pets could participate, we imagine it would go something like this:

“I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re gonna hear about it!”

  • Why does the red dot always disappear when I finally catch it?
  • You claim there’s no more food in my bowl, but I can clearly see the bottom isn’t completely covered
  • The vacuum cleaner: Just… why?
  • That time you pretended to throw the ball but kept it behind your back. I know what you did.
  • The cat gets to climb on the counter but I don’t? Species-ism at its finest!

Feats of Strength

Traditionally, Festivus isn’t over until the head of household is pinned in a wrestling match. Our pets have their own ideas about feats of strength:

  • Cats: Knocking every single item off the highest shelf without breaking a sweat
  • Dogs: Successfully destroying the “indestructible” toy in under 5 minutes
  • Both: Managing to take up 90% of a king-sized bed while weighing less than 15 pounds

The Festivus Miracle

While Festivus miracles are meant to be utterly ordinary occurrences, we pet parents experience our own special ones:

  • The cat actually used the expensive bed you bought instead of the cardboard box
  • Your dog didn’t bark at the delivery person (okay, this might be too miraculous)
  • You found all your missing socks under the couch (slightly chewed, but still)

The Festivus Feast

Unlike traditional holiday meals, the Festivus dinner needs no fancy preparation. However, we suggest having these pet-friendly festive snacks on hand:

  • Plain cooked turkey (no bones or seasoning)
  • Carrot sticks (for the health-conscious pets)
  • Pet-safe celebration cookies
  • Water served in your fanciest pet bowl (it’s a holiday, after all!)

Alternative Festivus Traditions for Pets

Why not start some new pet-focused Festivus traditions?

  • The Annual Unraveling of the Toilet Paper Roll
  • The Ceremonial Ignoring of Expensive Toys
  • The Traditional 3 AM Zoomies
  • The Majestic Face-Sitting Awakening Ritual

Remember, Festivus is a holiday for the rest of us – including those of us with fur, four legs, and a tendency to knock things over for no apparent reason. While your pets might not fully grasp the concept of Festivus, they’ll certainly appreciate any excuse for extra attention and treats!


How will you celebrate Festivus with your pets? Share your pet’s grievances and sign up with our newsletter – we know they have them!

P.S. – No aluminum poles were knocked over in the writing of this post (but we make no promises about what happens in your home).